29 November 2024 by Limpho Sello

Est. Read Time: 7m 11s

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A teenage girl lies on her back, a mix of anger and fear etched on her face.

Suddenly, something unexpected occurs—a hot, thick, and rough pastry lands squarely on her face.

It is vomit from her male relative, who has become her abuser.

“When he was busy raping he vomited on my face,” Relebohile Tuoane explained.

Tuoane shared that her rapist, typically aggressive during his repeated assaults, became catatonic when she pushed him away after his vomit splashed on her face.

“So I pushed him off me, ran out of the house to call for help from a neighbour that worked at Makoanyane Military Hospital,” she explained.

Tuoane was repeatedly raped and impregnated by this late male relative throughout her childhood.

Her harrowing journey began at the age of seven—a nightmare that continued well into her adulthood.

Now a pastor and an activist against Gender-Based Violence, Tuoane shared her story with the audience at the 2024 16 Days Against Gender-Based Violence event in Maseru on November 25, 2024.

The 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence is a global campaign that seeks to challenge violence against women and girls. It begins on November 25, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, and ends on December 10, Human Rights Day.

In Lesotho, more than 86 out of every 100 women and girls have faced some form of Gender-Based Violence (GBV) at some point in their lives. Tuoane’s story highlights that this is not just a statistic.

Minister of Gender and Social Development, Pitso Lesaoana, shared that he attended the funeral of a five-year-old girl in his Maama Constituency in Maseru in 2023. The girl had been mutilated and killed. Lesaoana explained that her body parts were thrown into a dam after the attack.

“Just last week, we heard another story of a five-year-old who was raped and killed at Ha-Leqele,” Lesaoana said on November 25, 2024.

He used these heartbreaking stories to emphasise that GBV is “a monster everyone here is trying to fight.”

“And one wonders, what else is there to be done? What can we do now? Because the story Tuoane gave, I have heard so many times, but it still feels like a new story every time she shares it,” Lesaoana said.

Forced into multiple abortions

Lesaoana was speaking at the same event where Tuoane shared her story with the audience. She guided them through her experiences with her rapist, starting from the very beginning.

She said the story began with her abuser touching and kissing her in ways that were not suitable for a seven-year-old.

“He did things that caused me immense pain. He would insert her tongue in my mouth and his fingers in my private part. He would lift me up to put me on top of him,” Tuoane said.

 “At that age of seven, I did not understand that this was wrong. As painful as these things were, I believed that my peers might be experiencing the same things.”

The abuse continued until Tuoane grew older and realized that what was happening to her was not normal, but shockingly wrong. When she entered puberty stage and started menstruating, her abuser would constantly monitor whether she had gone for her monthly periods.

“When I missed a period, he would give me traditional concoctions to terminate the pregnancies. Over the years, he forced me into multiple abortions using harmful methods which always led me to see my periods in an excruciating pain with very big blood clots,” Tuoane said.

In Lesotho, abortion is illegal unless it is done for medical reasons or in cases of rape, like Tuoane’s. Although Tuoane qualified for a medical abortion because her pregnancies resulted from rape, her abuser did not to take her for a safe abortion because it would expose his horrific crimes.

Death threats

As rape became a daily bread for Tuoane, her abuser threated to kill her. She recalled that when she tried to escape, he would catch her and beat her severely.

“The physical scars from the abuse remain with me, and I am still seeking treatment for them.”

She added: “He would put a gun on his headboard, tell me that if I screamed or told anyone, he would kill me and anyone I will confide in.”

This led to Tuoane running away from home to stay in the streets. To survive without parents or adults, Tuoane said she began stealing to survive life out of  streets.

“However, the streets were unforgiving to me, I became a victim of rape by a stranger, which led to my pregnancy,” Tuoane said.

Pregnant by a stranger, Tuoane returned home, walking straight into a lion’s den. She explained that her abuser would assault her while her siblings were nearby, warning them not to enter the room. Her mother was aware of the repeated abuse. Tuoane shared that she gave birth to her child at the age of 19.

Poor school performance

As Tuoane became a victim of repeated rape episodes, her school performance drastically dropped down. As a result of unwanted pregnancy and trauma suffered for twelve years, she poorly performed at her Cambridge Overseas School Certificate (COSC).

Director of Gender, Matau-Futho Letsatsi, said a study on the Economic Cost of Violence against Women and Girls in Lesotho discovered there are direct costs related to education.

“The learning time that is lost in any level of study as well as being lost in the primary school where a child experiences violence, this is not usually reported in most of the economic costs of violence against women and girls’ studies,” Letsatsi shared during the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence on November 25, 2024 in Maseru.

She added: “And the study found this to be the highest and the cost was estimated at M285.2 million. The learning time lost in primary school was estimated at M285.2 million of our Gross Domestic Product.”

Meanwhile, after Tuoane failed to proceed to the higher education following the poor performance at COSC level, she left Lesotho to seek employed in South Africa. She worked as a domestic worker and instead of escaping rape from Lesotho, she was raped yet again while working in South Africa. 

She said this further turned around her sexual and reproductive health following the rupture of her womb.

 “Since then, my womb has dictated my life and often left me bedridden,” she said.

Years of repeated sexual violence have taken a profound toll on her ability to experience intimacy.

“I don’t feel sexual desire anymore,” Tuoane shared, adding that she had hope that using sex toys like vibrators or watching pornographic videos would reignite a sense of sex normalcy. This has not worked, and this has led to failed romantic relationship.

Tuoane added that sometimes during intimacy with her partners, she would become violent due to horrific rape flashbacks.

“It’s like I am reliving the abuse,” she said. Desperate to reclaim her life back, Tuoane shared that she has consulted with various gynaecologists, who told her that the trauma caused her body to stop producing vaginal fluids. This medical diagnosis complicated her emotional and physical healing.

However, this became the thing of the past because in October 2024 when a kind-hearted individual, Alicia Motšoane, paid for her life-saving surgery to repair the damage to her womb.

Although Tuoane shared that she is now healed, she continues to struggle to connect with her own body.

Tuoane turns her life around

Tuoane is not only a Gender Based Violence survivor, but she is also an advocate.  

“Next month (December 2024), I will be graduating from an institution in Eswatini,” she said. This is a milestone that symbolises her determination to rise above her past, exemplified in her founded organisation called A Future Without Violence. This not-for-profit organisation supports survivors of violence and advocates for a world free from abuse.

Minister of Education and Training Professor Ntoi Rapapa addressed the audience at the launch of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence in Maseru. Professor Rapapa marvelled at the resilience and bravery of Tuoane, for publicly sharing her story when many may be shy to share their stories with the world to inspire others.

“We really have to thank pastor Tuoane for making such a contribution and openly saying things that some of us may not be able to say in public,” Rapapa said.

“That shows true leadership. That shows perseverance. That reflects the desire for help, particularly when you refer to yourself. It Is not easy when you have to refer to yourself on any particular issue, particularly issues that are not easy to comprehend.”

Prof Rapapa explained domestic violence not just as a personal issue but a systematic problem that affects the entire country. He explained that communities of diverse backgrounds and demographics daily grapple with domestic violence.

“It is indeed a silent epidemic eroding the very fabric of our society and impeding our progress towards sustainable development and economic prosperity,” he said.

He added: “When individuals suffer in silence, our communities are at risk and our nation carries the burden.

Rapapa explained that the social, economic, and health impacts of domestic violence ripple outward, affecting productivity, well-being, and overall stability of our nation.

“Therefore, it is not just a moral imperative, but a national responsibility for all government department policies and programs to address domestic violence.”

He added that addressing gender inequalities, and specifically domestic violence, must be a cornerstone of the extended National Strategic Development Plan (NSDP) and government’s commitment to sustainable development goals.

“It is a firm belief that by addressing these inequalities, the government will be paving the way towards a just, safe, and economically prosperous nation,” Rapapa said.

 “The Gender and Development Policy 2018-2030, the extended NSDP gender development protocol, and many others, provide frameworks for us to advance gender equality and reduce domestic violence.”

Meanwhile, Tuoane shared with the audience that her relative rapist died on the day he vomited on her face while raping her. The neighbour who came to check on Tuoane’s abuser, who clearly had medical background, explained that Tuoane’s relative-turned rapist’s diabetes had dropped, leading to his death.